LOL & ROFL! Imam Abu Eesa doing what he does best! being down to earth and frank 
!
Boys & Girls : A Love Story
True traits of Leadership
True traits of Leadership
A wise man once said: ‘A lion leading one thousand foxes is better than a fox leading one thousand lions.’
A heart of a lion. Never feels fear and has aura.
As proud as a tiger. Never humbles himself when facing destructive opposition.
As resourceful as a bear. A bear uses all of his skills: his claws, brute-strength, his roar, and his teeth.
Always moving forward like a boar. Once makes a move, never turns around.
As wise as an owl. Knowledge, intelligent, wisdom and responsible in decision making.
Tactics & planning like an attacking wolf. If one direction doesn’t work he would try another.
Carry burden and responsibility like an ant: it carries more than its weight.
Admirable like a peacock, someone that others look up to as a role model.
Firm like a rock. Never budging or running away from difficulty, not indecisive and staying firm upon principles.
Patience like a donkey. Keeping on going with the work without any fuss.
Persistent like a dog: Follow & remain steadfast in its game wherever it goes.
Just and compassionate like a blue wildabeest. Never ever neglecting fellow comrades, sticking together and always protecting each other.
Vision, foresight and opportunist like an eagle.
I am a lost abd…..
How I feel these days subhn’Allah, My mind is numb and my spirit is totally shattered Allah Musta’an…..please make du’aa for me insh’Allah
أنا العبد – Ana al-’abd – I am the Servant
أنا العبد الذي كسب الذنوبا وصدته المعاصي أن يتوبا
أنا العبد الذي أضحى حزيناً على زلاته قلقاً كئيبا
Ana al-’abd ulladhee kasaba adhdhunooba, wa saddatahu ul amaanee an yatooba
Ana al-’abd ulladhee adh-haa hazeena, ‘alaa zallaatihi qaliqaan ka’eeba
I am the Servant who acquired sins, and was prevented from repenting by his false desires
I am the servant who became sad, over his slip ups, worried and sad
أنا العبد الذي سطرت عليه صحائف لم يخف فيها الرقيبا
أنا العبد المسيء عصيت سراً فمالي الآن لا أبدي النحيبا
Ana al-’abd ulladhee sutirat ‘alayhi sahaa’ifu lam yakhaf feeha ar raqeebaa
Ana al-’abdu ul masee’u ‘asaytu sirran, famaa li-laana laa ubdin in naheeyba
I am the servant upon whom pages were written, the one he didn’t fear Ar-Raqeeb (All Watchful)
I am the abusive slave, I disobeyed in secrecy, and did not reveal my lament until now
أنا العبد المفرط ضاع عمري فلم أرع الشبيبة والمشيبا
أنا العبد الغريق بلج بحرٍ أصيح لربما ألقى مجيبا
Ana al-’abdu mufarritu dhaa’a ‘umree, falam ar’a ashabeebata wa al masheeba
Ana al’-abd ullghareequ biljujji bahrin, Aseehu lirubbamaa alqaa mujeeba
I am the extravagant servant, I wasted my life, I cared not for youth nor old age
I am the servant who drowned in the raging sea, screaming to find an answerer
أنا العبد السقيم من الخطايا وقد أقبلت ألتمس الطبيبا
أنا العبد الشريد ظلمت نفسي وقد وافيت بابكم منيبا
Ana al-’abdu saqeemu min al khataaya, wa qad aqbaltu altamis ut tabeeyba
Ana al-’abdu shareedu dhalamtu nafsee, wa qad waafaytu baabakumu muneeba
I am the Servant who is afflicted by sins, and I have come beseeching the healer
I am the wandering, homeless servant, I wronged msyelf, and I have come to your door, repenting.
May Allaah strike our hearts with fear and consciousness, and forgive us all aameen.
A Menace II Society – Free Love
The most blunt and grass-roots lecture about zina and free love fully backed by Qu’ran & Sunnah Mash’Allah
Recommended to all the youth & students
The Best of the Best, Are you part of it?
The Best of the Best
by Imam Abu Eesa Niamatullah
Have you ever wondered to yourself what it actually means to be the best?
When we are told that ‘this is the best’ or ‘that was the greatest’ or ‘this will bring the most benefit’ etc, have you ever thought who on Earth gave such people/editors the authority to tell us that? In an age when we have a plethora of ‘Top 10′ or ‘Top 100′ lists on everything from cars to films, from foods to places, one wonders where is that list that will really provide some benefit to us in this current short life and the next very long one.
Well, wait no more. Below, from a choice of hundreds of narrations from our beloved Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, you can find 100 hadîth, in no particular order of merit, detailing ways on exactly how to become the best, how to have the most excellent characteristics, what really will prove most beneficial for us to know, what really are the greatest things to think about and hope for and indeed, how to become the most beloved of people to our Magnificent Creator, Allah, the Most High.
No more subjectivity, no more empty statements; just the divine criteria of what really is the best as developed by the very best himself, Muhammad al-Mustapha, upon whom be peace. For an explanation of the meaning of each of these hadîth, you can visit here.
So go on, don’t be ordinary. Don’t be common. Don’t be typical …
Be the best.
Sayyidina Muhammad, peace be upon him, told us:
1. “The best of the Muslims is he from whose hand and tongue the Muslims are safe.” [Muslim]
2. “The best of people are those with the most excellent character.” [Tabarâni, Sahîh]
3. “The best of people are those that bring most benefit to the rest of mankind.” [Dâraqutni, Hasan]
4. “The best of people are those who are best in fulfilling [rights].” [Ibn Mâjah, Sahîh]
5. “The best of people during fitnah is a man who takes up the reins of his horse pursuing the enemies of Allah, causing them fear yet they make him fearful too, or a man who secludes himself in the desert fulfilling the rights of Allah upon him.” [Hâkim, Sahîh]
6. “The best of mankind is my generation, then those that follow them and then those that follow them. Then there shall come a people after them who will become avaricious, who will love gluttony, and who will give witness before they are asked for it.” [Tirmidhî, Sahîh]
7. “The best of people are those who live longest and excel in their deeds, whereas the worst of people are those who live longest and corrupt their deeds.”[Tirmidhî, Sahîh]
8. “The best of women are those that please him [her husband] when he sees her, obeys him when she is commanded, and who does not secretly betray him with regards to herself and her money in that which he dislikes.” [Ahmad, Sahîh]
9. “The best of women are those that please you when you see them, obey you when commanded, and who safeguard themselves and your money in your absence.” [Tabarâni, Sahîh]
10. “The best of marriages are the easiest ones.” [Abu Dâwûd, Sahîh]
11. “The best of your dates is the Borniyyû date; it expels disease yet does not contain any disease itself.” [Hâkim, Hasan]
12. “The best of your garments are those which are white; shroud your dead in them and clothe your living with them. The best of that which you apply to your eyelids is antimony causing the eyelashes to grow and sharpening the eyesight.” [Ibn Hibbân, Sahîh]
13. “The best quality of your religion is scrupulousness.” [Hâkim, Sahîh]
14. “The best of your religion is that which is easiest.” [Ahmad, Sahîh]
15. “The best of the prayer lines for men are the first rows, the worst being the final rows. The best of the prayer lines for women are the final rows and the worst are the first rows.” [Muslim]
16. “The best prayers for women are those performed in the most secluded parts of their houses.” [Ibn Khuzaymah, Sahîh]
17. “The best of you in Islam are those who are most excellent in character as long as you deeply understand the religion.” [Ahmad, Sahîh]
18. “The best of you are the best of you in fulfilling [rights].” [Ahmad, Sahîh]
19. “The best of you are those who are best to their families, and I am the best of you to my family.” [Tirmidhî, Sahîh]
20. “The best of you are my generation, then those that follow them and then those that follow them. Then there shall come after them a people who will betray and be untrustworthy, will give witness even though they have not been asked to, will make vows yet will not fulfil them and obesity will appear amongst them.”[Bukhâri]
21. “The best of you are those who feed others and return greetings.” [Abu Ya'lâ, Hasan]
22. “The best of you is he from whom good is anticipated and safety from his evil is assured; the worst of you is he from whom nothing good is expected and one is not safe from his evil.” [Tirmidhî, Sahîh]
23. “The best thing mankind has been given is excellent character.” [Hâkim, Sahîh]
24. “The best of that which you treat yourself with is cupping.” [Hâkim, Sahîh]
25. “The best of journeys undertaken are to this Mosque of mine and the Ancient House.” [Ahmad, Sahîh]
26. “The best of which man can leave behind for himself are three: a righteous child who supplicates for him, an ongoing charity whose reward continues to reach him and knowledge which others benefit from after him.” [Ibn Hibbân, Hasan]
27. “The best Mosques for women are the most secluded parts of their houses.” [Bayhaqi, Sahîh]
28. “The best of the world’s women are four: Maryum bint ‘Imrân, Khadîjah bint Khuwaylid, Fâtimah bint Muhammad and Âsiyah the wife of Fir’awn.”[Ahmad, Sahîh]
29. “The best of days that you should perform cupping are the 17th, 19th and 21st of the month. I did not pass a single gathering of angels on the night of Isrâ’ except that they would say to me, ‘O Muhammad, perform cupping!’” [Ahmad, Sahîh]
30. “The best day on which the Sun has risen is Friday; on it Âdam was created, on it Âdam was made to enter Paradise and on it he was expelled. The Hour will not be established except on Friday.” [Muslim]
31. “Verily, the best of perfume for men is that which is strong in smell and light in colour, and the best of perfume for women is that which is strong in colour and light in smell.” [Tirmidhî, Sahîh]
32. “The most beloved of religions according to Allah the Most High is the ‘easy and flexible religion.’” [Ahmad, Hasan]
33. “The most beloved of deeds according to Allah are the continuous ones, even if they are little.” [Agreed upon]
34. “The most beloved of names according to Allah are ‘Abd Allah, ‘Abd’l-Rahmân and Hârith.” [Abu Ya'lâ, Sahîh]
35. “The most beloved of deeds according to Allah are the prayer in its right time, then to treat the parents in an excellent manner, and then Jihâd in the path of Allah.” [Agreed upon]
36. “The most beloved of deeds according to Allah is that you die and yet your tongue is still moist from the remembrance of Allah.” [Ibn Hibbân, Hasan]
37. “The most beloved words according to Allah the Most High are four: Subhânallah, Alhamdulillâh, Lâ ilâha illallah and Allahu Akbar; there is no problem with which one you start with.” [Muslim]
38. “The most beloved of speech according to Allah is when the servant says, ‘Subhânallahi wa bihamdihî’ [How Transcendent is Allah and we praise him!].”[Muslim]
39. “The most beloved of speech according to Allah the Most High is that which Allah chose for his Angels: Subhâna Rabbî wa bihamdihî, Subhâna Rabbî wa bihamdihî, Subhâna Rabbî wa bihamdihî.” [Tirmidhî, Sahîh]
40. “The most beloved of people according to Allah is he who brings most benefit, and the most beloved of deeds according to Allah the Mighty, the Magnificent, is that you bring happiness to a fellow Muslim, or relieve him of distress, or pay off his debt or stave away hunger from him. It is more beloved to me that I walk with my brother Muslim in his time of need than I stay secluded in the mosque for a month. Whoever holds back his anger, Allah will cover his faults and whoever suppresses his fury while being able to execute it, Allah will fill his heart with satisfaction on the Day of Standing. Whoever walks with his brother Muslim in need until he establishes that for him, Allah will establish his feet firmly on the day when all feet shall slip. Indeed, bad character ruins deeds just as vinegar ruins honey.” [Tabarâni, Hasan]
41. “The most beloved of people to me is ‘Â’ishah and from the men, Abu Bakr.” [Agreed upon]
42. “The best of people in recitation are those who when they recite, you see that they fear Allah.” [Bayhaqi, Sahîh]
43. “The best of your leaders are those that you love and they love you, you supplicate for them and they supplicate for you. The worst of your leaders are those that you hate and they hate you, you curse them and they curse you.” [Muslim]
44. “The best of you are those who are best in paying off their debts.” [Tahâwi, Sahîh]
45. “The best of you are those with the longest lives and most excellent character.” [Bazzâr, Sahîh]
46. “The best of you are those with the longest lives and best in action.” [Hâkim, Sahîh]
47. “The best of you are those with the softest shoulders during prayer.” [Bayhaqi, Hasan]
48. “The best of you are those who are best to their wives.” [Tirmidhî, Sahîh]
49. “The best of you are those who are best to their families.” [Tabarâni, Sahîh]
50. “The best of you during the ‘Period of Ignorance’ are the best of you in Islam as long as they deeply understand the religion.” [Bukhâri]
51. “The best of you are those who learn the Qur’ân and teach it.” [Dârimi, Sahîh]
52. “The best of companions according to Allah are those who are best to their companion and the best of neighbours according to Allah are those that are best to their neighbour.” [Tirmidhî, Sahîh]
53. “The best of places are the Mosques and the worst of places are the markets.” [Tabarâni, Hasan]
54. “The best supplication on the Day of ‘Arafah and the best thing that I and the Prophets before me ever said was, ‘Lâ ilâha illAllah wahdahû lâ sharîka lahû, lahû’l-mulk wa lahû’l-hamd wa huwa ‘alâ kulli shay’in Qadîr.’” [Tirmidhî, Hasan]
55. “The best of provision is that which suffices.” [Ahmad in 'Zuhd', Hasan]
56. “The best testimony is when one gives it before he is asked to do so.” [Tabarâni, Sahîh]
57. “The best of dowries are the easiest.” [Hâkim, Sahîh]
58. “The best of charity is that which still leaves you self-sufficient for the upper hand is better than the lower hand; start with those you are responsible for.”[Tabarâni, Sahîh]
59. “The best of gatherings are those that are most open.” [Abu Dâwûd, Sahîh]
60. “The most beloved deed according to Allah is to have faith in Allah, then to maintain the ties of kinship, and then to command to good and forbid the wrong. The most abhorrent of deeds according to Allah is to associate partners with Him, then to cut the ties of kinship.” [Abu Ya'lâ, Hasan]
61. “The most beloved Jihâd according to Allah is that a word of truth be spoken to a tyrant ruler.” [Tabarâni, Hasan]
62. “The most beloved word according to me is that which is most truthful.” [Bukhâri]
63. “The most beloved fast according to Allah is the fast of Dâwûd; he would fast every alternate day. The most beloved prayer according to Allah is the prayer of Dâwûd; he would sleep half the night, stand a third and then sleep for a sixth.” [Agreed upon]
64. “The most beloved dish according to Allah is that which most hands feed from.” [Ibn Hibbân, Hasan]
65. “The most beloved servant of Allah is he who is most beneficial to his dependents.” [Zawâ'id al-Zuhd, Hasan]
66. “The best of earnings is that of the labourer as long as he tries his best.” [Ahmad, Hasan]
67. “The best of all deeds is to have faith in Allah alone, then Jihâd and then an accepted Hajj; they surpass all other deeds like the distance between the rising and setting of the Sun.” [Ahmad, Sahîh]
68. “The best of all deeds is the Prayer at its earliest time.” [Tirmidhî, Sahîh]
69. “The best of all deeds is the Prayer in its right time, to treat the Parents honourably and Jihâd in the path of Allah.” [al-Khatîb, Sahîh]
70. “The best of all deeds is that you bring happiness to your Muslim brother, pay off his debt or feed him bread.” [Ibn Adiyy, Hasan]
71. “The best of faith is patience and magnanimity.” [Ahmad, Sahîh]
72. “The best of days according to Allah is Friday.” [Bayhaqi, Sahîh]
73. “The best of Jihâd is that man strives against his soul and desires.” [Daylami, Sahîh]
74. “The best Hajj is that with the most raised voices and flowing blood.” [Tirmidhî, Hasan]
75. “The best of supplications is that of on the Day of ‘Arafah, and the best thing that was said by myself and the Prophets before me was, “Lâ ilâha illallah wahdahû lâ sharîka lahû.” [There is nothing worthy of worship except Allah alone, He has no partners.] [Mâlik, Hasan]
76. “The best of dinars are: the dinâr spent by a man upon his dependents, the dinâr spent by a man upon his horse in the path of Allah and the dinâr spent by a man upon his companions in the path of Allah, the Mighty, the Magnificent.” [Muslim]
77. “The best word of remembrance is: Lâ ilâha illallah and the best supplication is: Alhamdulillâh.” [Tirmidhî, Hasan]
78. “The best word of remembrance is: Lâ ilâha illallah and the best [expression of giving] thanks is: Alhamdulillâh.” [Baghawi, Hasan]
79. “The best of hours are those deep in the latter part of the night.” [Tabarâni, Sahîh]
80. “The best of all martyrs are those who fight in the front line; they do not turn their faces away until they are killed. They will be rolling around in the highest rooms of Paradise, their Lord laughing at them – when your Lord laughs at a servant, there is no accounting for him.” [Ahmad, Sahîh]
81. “The best of all martyrs is he whose blood is shed and whose horse is slaughtered.” [Tabarâni, Sahîh]
82. “The best of all charity is the shade of a canopy [provided] in the path of Allah, the Mighty and Magnificent, to gift ones servant in the path of Allah and to gift ones she-camel in the path of Allah.” [Ahmad, Hasan]
83. “The best of all charity is that which is given to the relative that harbours enmity against you.” [Ahmad, Sahîh]
84. “The best of all charity is that you give it while you are healthy and desirous [of that money], hoping to become wealthy but fearing poverty. Don’t delay until you are about to breathe your last and then you say, ‘This is for ’so and so’ and this is for ’so and so”, for indeed, it has already been written that ’so and so’ would receive that.” [Abu Dâwûd, Sahîh]
85. “The best of all charity is when the one with little strives to give; start with those you are responsible for.” [Hâkim, Sahîh]
86. “The best charity is to provide water.” [Ibn Mâjah, Hasan]
87. “The best prayer after the obligatory ones is the prayer in the depth of the night, and the best fast after the month of Ramadhân is the month of Allah, Muharram.” [Muslim]
88. “The best prayer is the prayer of the man in his home except for the obligatory prayer.” [Nasâ'î, Sahîh]
89. “The best prayer is that with the longest standing.” [Muslim]
90. “The best of all prayers according to Allah is the Friday morning prayer in congregation.” [Ibn Nu'aym, Sahîh]
91. “The best fast is the fast of my brother Dâwûd; he would fast every alternate day and he would never flee [the battlefront] when the armies would meet.”[Tirmidhî, Sahîh]
92. “The best of all fasts after Ramadhân is in the month that you call Muharram.” [Nasâ'î, Sahîh]
93. “The best of all worship is supplication.” [Hâkim, Sahîh]
94. “The best deed is the prayer in its right time and Jihâd in the path of Allah.” [Bayhaqi, Sahîh]
95. “The best of the Qur’ân is: “Alhamdulillâhi Rabb’l-’Âlamîn”. [Hâkim, Sahîh]
96. “The best of earnings is a blessed sale and that which a man earns with his hands.” [Ahmad, Sahîh]
97. “The best of the Believers is the most excellent of them in character.” [Ibn Mâjah, Sahîh]
98. “The best of the Believers with respect to Islam is the one from whose hand and tongue the Muslims are safe; and the best of the Believers with respect to Îmân are the most excellent of them in character; and the best of those who migrate is he who migrates from that which Allah the Most High has prohibited; and the best of Jihâd is when one strives against his soul for the sake of Allah, the Mighty, the Magnificent.” [Tabarâni, Sahîh]
99. “The best of mankind is the believer between two honourable persons.” [Tabarâni, Sahîh]
100. “The best of all days in the world are the ten days [of Dhul Hijjah].” [Bazzâr, Sahîh]
What’s love got to do with this?
What’s love got to do with this?
by Imam Abu Eesa Niamatullah
And as we know from before, Tina Turner put it even more bluntly in her next line of her hit song, “What’s love but a second-hand emotion?”
You have to give it to song-writers: they really do express the truth sometimes in remarkably effective fashion.
The issues of love, prospective partners, marriage, keeping the flame of love burning etc have been beaten to death by mankind since time immemorial. Everyone has had a say on the matter and quite right too: no human is free from the stresses, hassles and difficulties encountered in day-to-day life and everyone will have had some brush with the emotion of love at some time. Everyone will want to share their feelings on the issue, and the Islamic internet forums and chat sites seem to talk about nothing else or at least stimulate the most response from the community at large when the topic is addressed.
So why then, after so many thousands of years of human experience have we not solved all these problems and banished the ignorance surrounding it? And why in particular have the Muslims not left their baggage behind on the issue after receiving divine guidance as well? And even more damningly, why haven’t the increasingly “practicing” crowd of Muslims who really should know so much better, ranging from the just-started-to-practice-Islam-recently folks to students of knowledge to the scholars themselves, set a clear example to the rest of the community by becoming shining role-models of how relationships should be conducted?
The answer is because this is a human problem, this is a nafs problem, and this is a loveproblem. No-one is going to get away with an easy ride.
I wish to offer the following words/thoughts on this subject with my focus on the “practising” community because they should all really know better. Those who are just Muslim by identity will fall into all sorts of other cultural problems and barriers and will fall foul of much ignorance and require serious help, more than just a few words in an article, whereas I’d like to concentrate on those who clearly have a problem controlling their desires, have errors in their thought process and just need to be reminded really of what is expected from serious Muslims.
One has to be quite frank in dealing with this, and say things that will hurt people and possibly offend their feelings, yet without being honest about the real deep-set attitudes and problems that we specifically face as a community such as racism, sexism, apathy and misogyny, we’ll never reach an agreeable status quo.
Pre-Marriage
I don’t feel like writing a fancy article to be honest, so let me ask some rhetorical questions and make a few more statements of rhetoric, all based on what I consider to be prevalent beliefs and truths amongst the Muslim community as someone who has advised and sat on the other end of countless marriage-hunts and subsequent marriage breakdowns, which unfortunately is becoming the only use for many Imams and scholars these days in the West, wa Allāhu musta‘ān.
Once someone starts to look for marriage, it seems that we lose all rational thought. Somehow we believe that we’ve all become super-special – why are you looking for the perfect girl, when you are not the perfect man? Why should your wife be an Hāfidhawhen you yourself don’t know a tenth of the Qur’ān? What exactly do you have to offer your wife-to-be instead of the other way round?
Have no doubt that in the meat-market that the marriage scene wants to become, only the best leg of lamb of will do, the best cut, the juiciest piece. But you’d better be prepared to pay a hefty price for such a nice piece of meat. And therein lays the reality: if you want the best woman, you’d better have a whole lot to offer. If you want your wife to be the most beautiful girl in the world, humble as a villager from “back home”, smart as a PhD student at Harvard, to cook biryani like your mum, to have as much stamina as a long-distance runner, to be as brave as the strongest Mujāhidah, to be as savvy with current society and the community as a female politician and then as religiously practicing and devoted as ‘A’isha, then – other than having to wake up, make ta‘awwudh, and turn on to the other side – you had better be the Prophet Muhammad (sallallāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam). And sorry to say folks, but that just isn’t going to happen now is it?
The concept of give and take, to be realistic, to understand and appreciate ones faults and weaknesses and then ever better, to accept and live with them in another person is actually rather difficult and requires serious control over one’s heart and desires. This is because when we look for a marriage partner, we make it completely synonymous with the concept of “falling in love” which is rather short-sighted. You see, as many societal scientists have asserted, one of the biggest misconceptions about “falling in love” is that this is love itself.
Of course when you’re looking for a prospective partner, you’re looking to develop love for the other person but we give a disproportionate bias to the actual emotion of “falling in love” which is almost exclusively a sexually-motivated feeling that is completely temporary. This is not what we call deep love. The whole experience of falling in love, the giddiness of just being with him/her will disappear as quickly as it came. This is just human nature. The type of love that you have for your children or your parents has nothing to do with sexuality or eroticism, rather it is deep-seated appreciation for the other person due to factors of loyalty, closeness, friendship, care etc. Naturally the love of one’s wife has the extra aspect of sexual love and desire which is very important but certainly not the key factor for the marriage. It’s amazing that the statement of the Prophet (sallallāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam) concerning the fact that a man will be truly successful if a woman is married for her religion is so well-known yet so discarded when it comes to the final decision on a prospective partner.
Obviously the beauty, wealth, and who the woman actually is (i.e. her lineage) are valid important factors as confirmed by the Prophet (sallallāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam) but the secret is a not very well kept one: if you really want this marriage to last and be built upon a solid foundation and not just become a one-night stand based upon looks, shape and eloquence, then look for the one who fears Allah most, who is most conscious of Allah at all times and who will never turn away from what Allah and His Messenger wants. It goes without saying that our women should demand the very same in their hunt for a good man as well.
This is how it would be in an ideal situation but clearly with the proliferation of matrimonial sites and marriage meetings and the like, we’ve come to realise otherwise. The Muslim community is rammed to the rafters with sub-quality men and women, diseased by their surroundings, obsessed with materialism and the visual stimuli and beauty that the world demands all of us to be signed-up members to, ideologically battered into accepting value systems that are alien to our theology, and all suffering a lack of god-consciousness at almost epidemic levels. And now they’re desperate. And now, anything is worth a try.
It is through this quagmire that men go “back home” for a traditional girl. It is through this mess that a woman demands a doctor for their husband. And neither party can be blamed. Personally I support the concept that “let the best man win” and encourage both parties to fight for the very best, as this can only be healthy for the community at large. If a person is going to be lazy enough to not work hard and study, or is going to be lazy enough to watch TV rather than memorise the Qur’ān, or a girl wishes to study for a degree as opposed to learn the intricacies of child-care and teaching, then leave them alone and they’ll find someone who they deserve. If you’ve put the sacrifice in, then you should look for better. Go and memorise the Qur’ān and then demand a Hāfidha. Spend your teen years learning fiqh and theology and then demand a scholar for a husband. Study hard and show yourself to be perceptive, intelligent and insightful and then demand a scientist/professional man. Cut yourself off from the normal haunts of society such as the school and work parties, the constant socials with the boys, the weddings and the other places of lewdness and low standards and then demand a woman who rightly hasn’t been seen or touched by another man. In summary, the general rule of “you get what you deserve” normally works out true. And in this dog-eat-dog world, if you’re the best, expect and demand the best.
As for the rest of us not so blessed with such values and such an ethic of sacrifice, then I guess it’s credit crunch time and we should just make do with whatever we can and hope for the best. If we’ve all become beggars due to the economy, then beggars can’t be choosers.
Finally, the practising Muslims out there have an extra responsibility to stamp out the ignorance that affects their own kind. The obsession for the white-convert girl for their much coveted skin colour, the avoidance of black-convert men and women, the avoidance of arab women due to their perceived strength of character and knowledge of female rights in Islam (!), the preference for Asian women due to the perceived ignorance of female rights in Islam (!) and all the other truisms that experience has shown to be very much alive and kicking in our communities needs to be tackled. Sure, there is no problem wanting certain people, preferring certain cultures, accepting parental and family preferences, but when you let that preference develop into a bias and a deep-seated belief, it only feeds the ignorance and xenophobic attitude that some Muslims suffer from today.
In quick conclusion for those wanting to get married, despite everything that I’ve mentioned and thrown out as thoughts, I personally advise you to find the person who you can gauge to have been best protected from the ideological and materialistic fitnahof this dunya, has learnt and practices as much as possible of the Deen, has the most patience, is the best with kids and education (women), is not lazy and has courage (men) and finally is the best looking person you can hope to find to provide satisfaction for the eyes at a time when society is insisting that our eyes see more and more.
Other truisms need to be kept in mind: no woman wishes to live with her in-laws. Indeed, the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law were not programmed to live permanently with one another and if you want to insist on such an arrangement, expect to jump out of marriage as quickly as you jumped in. It is not correct for a man to just demand a perpetual state of sadaqah from his wife in looking after his parents and family as well as do all the cleaning and housekeeping when it has not been made an obligation upon her. Likewise for the women, expect practising men to be completely committed and devoted to their parents who are dependent upon them. Honest, frank discussions about living conditions post-marriage during the engagement process will be essential to minimise fitnah later on.
And Allah knows best.
Post-Marriage
Now that the job has been done, the “falling in love” period is over and we’re starting to settle down as only married couples know best, we have to turn on the “maintain” button and start the thermostat so that the heating automatically kicks in when the marriage gets a bit cold.
It is about now that those couples who got married based upon looks, wealth and position are really going to struggle. I won’t patronise the practising Muslims by placing them in this group but regardless, it’s about now that when you wake up in the morning and turn to wake up your wife for Fajr, she doesn’t quite look like she did on your wedding day. That’s if she isn’t awake already considering she hasn’t had any sleep with you snoring all night and the fact that you’re not bothering to help rock the baby back to sleep during its many tantrums through the night. “Hey, this wasn’t what I signed up for!” she thinks to herself…
In addition, you’re probably from those who are struggling to keep up the levels ofdiyāna or the practising of your Islam completely as you might have envisaged pre-marriage. As the male, you might now be enjoying staying in, children, family and don’t have enough time for circles, hifdh and the like. As the mother, you’re now busy with the kids and the housework and the levels of imān are low in general. Or as the male, you’re attending every circle under the sun and lumping the woman with the kids, the upkeep of the house and the politics of the mother and father, and then wondering during the peak of your imān why your wife is more irritated, impatient, and generally less practising than you are!
Married life is a classic expression of people compromising and putting the other in front of their own wishes and desires. Or at least it should be.
Arguments and disagreements are aplenty, stress and pressures increase exponentially as child care becomes more challenging and keeping up with the Joneses next door at the same time becomes more and more important in the middle-aged life. And with all of these excuses to lose the “loving feeling” between partners and even worse, lose any motivation to try and revive the connection between you, along come all the tests and trials from the rest of the community around you in the form of beautiful younger women, work-mates, colleagues and a society obsessed on offering you better, thinner, sexier ad infinitum.
The woman isn’t as beautiful any more, not as slim as she used to be, not as relaxed and easy going as the good old days. The man: well, he’s certainly lost his looks, gained a stomach, lost his hair and worst of all, lost his prowess. And there really can’t be anything worse for a man to put up with than losing his pride and face in front of his wife and the people. Some truths really are eternal, and as Imām al-Suyūti reportedly said in the book which is (perhaps incorrectly) attributed to him, Nawādir al-Ayk, that the love of the dunya comprises of just two things: women and riding horses. Compare that fact in today’s time and it is exactly the same, for a man loves women and quality driving more than anything else. And as all the Letts diaries and popular sayings/phrase books remind us, “Tell a man anything except that he’s rubbish at sex and driving.”
Hilariously true.
So to suffer such humiliation alongside all the other stresses can often prove too much right? Feel like giving up on all this hassle? Can’t be bothered anymore? Need a new life-changing moment? Feeling insecure?
So much so that when looking at the numbers of good Muslim couples divorcing these days, one wonders whether the concept of “Epic Fail” was invented by a bloke looking at the Muslim community.
It is at these challenging times that a Muslim really proves their quality, when the going gets tough, when the wife becomes unbearable to be around, far too depressing and moody, when the husband becomes far too distant, absent and angry, when the woman starts to go out more and socialise with her friends who give her attention, when the husband loses interest in providing sexual satisfaction to his needy partner and only focuses on his two-minute fix of pleasure-on-demand.
It is here when the Muslims have to step up and realise that marriage was most definitely more than just “falling in love”, eroticism and the short-term. Rather it is for the sake of Allah, it is for the sake of the children, and it’s for the sake of the community at large who need to see people battle it out and suppress their desires for risk, excitement and throwing away stressful responsibility, It is time to stand up and be counted and instead embrace the challenge of maintaining, sustaining, remaining stable and accepting increased responsibility with honour, patience and trust in Allah.
Let me remind you of a wonderful narration from ‘Umar b. al-Khattāb (radhy Allāhu ‘anhu) in al-Kharā’itī’s book on character:
“From Abu ‘Azrah al-Du’ali who lived during the time of ‘Umar (radhy Allāhu ‘anhu) and used to marry women and then separate from them, until he became known by the people for doing so, and stories would be told about him. When he heard of this, he took ‘Abd Allah b. al-Arqam home with him, and while he was listening, asked his wife, “I implore you with God’s name: Do you hate me?”
“Don’t implore me like that,” she said.
He said, “Yet I do.”
“By God, yes.” she said.
Abu ‘Azrah said to ‘Abd Allah, “Did you hear that?” They then left and went to ‘Umar, saying to him, “People say I wrong women and then separate from them. Ask Abdullah what he heard from my wife.” He did so, and ‘Umar having heard what she had said, sent for his wife.
He said to her, “Are you the one that goes and tells her husband that she hates him?”
She said, “Oh Leader of the Faithful, I am the first to repent and turn back to God’s command. He implored me in God’s name, so what was I supposed to do? Lie? I felt wrong lying!”
“Then lie,” said ‘Umar. “If one of you doesn’t love someone else they shouldn’t say so. Few are those houses that are built upon love; rather people get along by depending upon Islam and Ihsān to one another.”
This is of course what we expect from those deep and blessed people who understood the inner realities of life and the challenges that they bring. ‘Umar has effectively provided for today’s social scientists the history of the old adage that love is indeed fickle, temporal and but just a fleeting moment. Relationships might kick off with love and enjoy little moments of love here and there, but their fuel and sustenance comes from respect, justice, friendship, loyalty and sacrifice; all of these aspects and more are wonderfully and succinctly summed up by ‘Umar in his use of Islam and Ihsān to illustrate the pinnacle of these qualities.
So just as we recognise when a warring couple come to us for divorce and we appreciate that they are both within their legal right to divorce, we try to discourage them as much as possible. This is not because the “most hated thing to Allah from the halal actions is divorce” (which is not an authentic Hadīth as claimed by many) but because thechildren deserve better, the respective families deserve better and the community deserves better.
It is often difficult to look beyond your own needs and wants in such critical moments of crisis; it is difficult to remind ourselves that our children need a strong parental presence to survive in the hell that 21st Century society has become, whether in the West or the East – no place in the world is safe enough anymore to allow our children free to just grow up by themselves. It is difficult to appreciate just how dependent the community is upon certain Muslim couples to be perfect, look perfect and act perfect. They can’t afford to slip up and they can’t afford to show cracks to a people whose only hope of keeping themselves together is the fact that their role-models are doing the same.
And let not the devil take advantage of you here and question your intentions. This is not a fraud or a lie. The Prophet (sallallāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam) allowed what could possibly be translated as “blagging” to occur specifically to keep the husband and wife together and strong, even if things were difficult. It’s really an incredible thing that we are allowed to say that “you look wonderful tonight” when she patently doesn’t, or to say“that thobe makes you look quite thin” when you know that even a tent wouldn’t hide that backside of his. But this shows the extent that we are commanded to try to keep other people happy, other Muslims happy, and indeed the mother and father of our children happy!
Perhaps such reminders can fall foul to idealism, but problems do need achievable goals and the Muslims should have no doubt that peaceful happy marriage is possible between husbands and wives who might not still have much in common, where there might not seem many reasons to carry on making sacrifices, and where the grass always seems greener on the other side.
No, it is always worth making sacrifices. Surely this is what drives the Muslim in this life, the fact that he/she doesn’t act and make decisions thinking in the short-term i.e. the life of this world, but rather acts not expecting to see good results in this dunya and thus receiving the full rewards in the next life.
Being patient and remaining calm at moments of anger and fury, or trying to overcome that apparent impasse might seem difficult for the Muslim but it shouldn’t.
For the woman, if he’s acting like a fool then just remind him of his obligations, tell him how you feel and tell him that you will take a higher road. And do that. You have it in your genetic make-up to have a greater amount of compassion, mercy and patience so this is the greatest and most rewarding time to use it: to save a marriage. And if all else fails, think of the children.
As for the man, then when your wife has done the “unforgiveable” and irritated you beyond what you can “possibly bear” and you are about to open your mouth and say something that you’ll ultimately regret, just stop and reflect. You spend enough time in jest reminding your wife that she is deficient in deen and ‘aql, that she is worth half a man in ‘aql and witnessing etc. Well, let’s see you put that belief into practice. If she really is “half a man”, really is “ half your ‘aql “, then as one of our blessed scholars said, “You should have double the patience, double the calmness, double the gentleness anddouble the understanding.” If that’s not striking enough for you, then think of another amazing fact: if she really is half a man, then she has put up with all of the rubbish you throw at her every day to such a level which is only 50% of what is possible yet 100% of her ability!
Now let’s see you walk your own talk and show yourself to be the one who is more magnanimous. And if all else fails, think of the children.
Clearly no-one likes to swallow a bitter pill, but it wouldn’t be difficult or a sacrifice if the pill wasn’t bitter. Marriages survive with people just stopping at the critical moment of fury and saying, “You know what, I’ve forgiven you, so please forgive me for even bringing this issue to this level.”
And that’s it. Simple as that.
All the Hadīth on peace-making show up an incredible trait in humans: that when the reason to hate the other is challenged, the hate dissipates as quickly as it came. Thus, when you are mad at your wife for something and then you are told by a 3rd party (as per the Hadīth) who twists his words and says, “She really loves you and made a mistake in what she said,” then regardless of whether that’s the truth or not, when you see her next, there will be a completely different reaction. And when you don’t react in the horrible way that she’s expecting to react, she’ll also become immediately very sorrowful and will rid herself of any rancour as well. This is not idealism. This is fact. History and experience have borne witness to this and it is the right of all Muslims to act like this especially when advised as such by our Prophet (sallallāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam). It is only at these times when people realise just how petty that anger was, how petty the argument was, and how petty a reason you were trying to find to throwing away all that is really important to you in your life.
For this is the crux of the issue: although at moments you may become heedless but your partner is the most important aspect of surviving the test of this dunya. They are what protect you from zina, they are the ones who bring peace, stability, security and reassurance to the family home. They are the ones who keep you warm at night, and on a good night bring even more benefit! They are also the ones who give you the delight of your eyes, the “reason you live for” and more compellingly, the only possible reason that you may achieve intercession to get into Paradise: your children.
Marriage is worth it. Sacrifice is worth it. Keeping the Devil miserable is worth it. Gaining the Pleasure of Allah is worth it.
So keep up the struggle and keep the flame burning, and from my side I’ll resist the temptation to end this piece with another hit song from the eighties…
And Allah jalla wa ‘alā knows best.
Mothers – Producers of Heroes
‘This is from amongst the works of a contemporary Shaykh….. Brothers you need to get married to women like this and sisters you need to be mothers like this….’
‘…Mothers play a great role in building a generation. The better a mother is at raising her children, the more successfully the Ummah is built and the more successful it is at producing heroes. You hardly ever see a great man except that a great woman is behind him who left some of her traits in his personality by way of the milk from which he was fed and the warm embrace in which he sought refuge.
Most men find it hard to remove these shining images from their minds that they retain of their mothers. These outstanding images that ran through his veins from a young age remain engraved in his mind, and he cannot help but to remember them with veneration and pride. He recalls the simple, clear words that his mother left his spirit with, and these words grow to become milestones on his path and guiding lights on his quest.
He cannot help but to place himself under the vast shade that his mother provided for him throughout the long course of his life, nurtured by the pleasant emotions and mixed with the eternal days of his life. These realities grow in his spirit and become an inseparable part of his personality that he cannot let go of without letting go of his humanity.
This is why preserving this affection and repaying this kindness with kindness is an obligation in Islam that is directly partnered with Tawhīd:
‘…and your Lord ordained that you worship only Him, and that you treat your parents with excellence…’
[al-Isrā'ah, v.32]
And disobedience to them is directly partnered with kufr.
Respect for mothers occupies a very high position on the ladder of Islām, and is very heavy in its scales. It is reported in the ‘Sāhīh’ that a man came to the Messenger of Allah [saw] and said, ‘O Messenger of Allāh, who is most deserving of my kind treatment?’ He replied, ‘Your mother.’ The man asked, ‘Then who?’ He replied, ‘Your mother.’ The man asked again, ‘Then who?’ He replied, ‘Your mother.’ The man asked again,
‘Then who?’ He replied, ‘Your father.’
I once said to Ibrahim al-Akhdar – the Imām of the Haram in Makkah – ‘Why do you prevent your sweet voice from being heard by the Muslims who come from everywhere to hear it? How can you request to return to Madīnah when some people say that hearing you recite the Qur’ān is like hearing it descending fresh from the heavens?’
So, he replied, ‘My treasures in this world are my grandmother and mother, and I must fulfil my responsibilities to them and treat them well. Nobody can do this but me.’
I said, ‘Why don’t you bring your grandmother here?’
He said, ‘She refuses to leave Madīnah out of fear that she might die outside of it, and her greatest wish is to be buried in the graveyard of al-Baqi’.’
And indeed, Ibrahim actually left the Haram in Makkah and went back to leading a small mosque in Madīnah, sticking to the Paradise that is at the foot of his mother and grandmother…”
What are your priorities in life?
I am the biggest idiot on the planet Astagfirullah….Ya ikhwati is our aims just so low and shallow that we forget what are the priorities in life?
We whine over job loss, exam failure, heartbreaks but forget that the ultimate despair is the one who receives his book of deeds on the day of judgement on his left hand…..Allah Musta’an Astagfirullah Adheem
Secrets of despair…
Kinda contemplating now after that diamonds course Subhan’Allah, The Shaykh of Love, Imam Ibn Hazm has interesting poems on love & tragedy….
All they that know me, know in truth
I am a poor and lovelorn youth,
Cast down and weary, full of care
For whom? Ah, none can this declare.
When they behold me face to face,
They feel quite certain of my case,
Which when they would more clearly state
They can no more than speculate.
My love is like a written screed;
The characters seem plain, indeed,
But when the reader seeks to know
What they portend, that does not show.
Or like the cooing of a dove
Within the thicket is my love
He modulates with perfect art
The sweet outpourings of his heart.
We listen spellbound and intent
To his delightful argument;
But though the melody is clear,
Its meaning quite escapes the ear.
“For Allah’s sake”, they plead with me,
” Name thou her name to us, that we
May we apprised what passion deep,
For whom, has robbed thee of thy sleep.”
No, no; before I tamely yield
The secret they would have revealed
I’d sooner see my reason go,
And plunge into the depths of woe.
So they are buffeted about
By wild conjecture, wilder doubt,
Not knowing whether what they know,
Or what they think they think is so.
The tears of passion flow
And flow again;
The veil, of love, I know,
Is rent in twain.
My heart, as she floats past (possibly forever),
Is fluttering yet
Like a poor partridge, fast
Trapped in the net.
O my companions true,
Come, counsel me
So all good comrades do
Advice is free.
How long, how long must I
This secret hide
Which I cannot deny,
Nor lay aside?
